Inwardly renewed

Health problems have been a part of my life for a little over a decade at this point. I won’t go into the specifics here—that’s not the point of this—but suffice it to say that I’m not dying (or getting significantly worse) and I’m also not getting better. Feeling entirely well is more remarkable for me than feeling unwell, and I spend a lot of time being generally achy and exhausted. Some days are better than others, and today is one of the others.

But today has also been a day of feeling closer to God than I had in a long time. I’ve been able to feel His presence and just to rest in it, to seek His guidance for my future and His comfort for some of the things I am facing in the present. Days like this are so sweet, and I would take a lifetime filled with physical pain and sweet communion with God over a healthy, self-sufficient one any day. I love the book of 2 Corinthians because of the way Paul speaks into situations like mine:

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
From 2 Corinthians 4

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take [the thorn in my flesh] away from me. But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me… For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
From 2 Corinthians 12

Paul's struggles were considerably rougher than mine, but even he looks on them as light and momentary troubles in view of eternity and the inexpressible greatness of knowing Jesus Christ.