Abandon and dwelling

God has been updating my vocabulary lately, changing the primary meaning of words that have long defined me. Case in point: abandon. Previously a fear that kept me from building my life on the solid rock, preferring instead to keep all my ambitions, hopes, and plans safely on my own back. If He abandons me, what happens? Better to carry the weight myself than to invest it all in one place and risk losing it when He loses interest. Lately the change has been from fear of abandonment to reckless abandon. Jesus' blood never failed me yet, so the new default is to trust Him, assume that He'll act according to His goodness and love in all situations, and operate out of that place.

Dwelling is another. I've always been one to dwell, especially on mistakes and accusations-- one harsh word the only thing necessary to send me careening into guilt and self-doubt for the foreseeable future. I've spent years striving to live above the need for correction, and often opting out of risk-taking in order to preserve myself from the inevitable mistakes. Confrontation, advice, negative claims (whether false or accurate) about me, all adding up to failure in my mind. I have failed to please, failed to love well enough, failed to work hard enough, failed to be enough. Now I dwell in Him. I am enough because He is enough and I am His. There's nothing else worth dwelling on.