Coming alive

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
-Howard Thurman

"Calling is where your great passion meets the world's great need."
-Frederick Buechner

I like doing a lot of things. I enjoy theatre and music. I like to read and write. I am generally happy being outdoors. I find new languages entertaining. I am intrigued by the challenge of helping people to understand new concepts. Being around kids makes me smile. But as I've tried my hand at all of these things, I've been frustrated to find that none of them quite fit. I work at them while my mind wonders if there isn't something I would really love to do.

A few weeks ago, during a time of prayer, I felt God telling me, "I am calling you to come alive." This could mean a few things-- to live more fully every day, yes, and to be fully present and alive where I am. But a few days after that, a sermon posed the question, "What is it that God created you-- specifically you-- for? With your unique passions and gifts and understanding and personality, why are you here?" And so I've been pondering this, turning it over, wondering if there is something I could really do for a lifetime without my mind wandering.

Since I was about twelve years old, my "When I grow up..." was this: I am going to help domestic abuse victims. The more complicated version involves a shelter that works in conjunction with a bakery or coffee shop, so the women learn a marketable trade skill and have a purpose for their time while they get on their feet again, and the bakery in turn supports the financial needs of the ministry. (This is still my ultimate dream.)

In weighing the years I've had this dream (over a decade now) against my motivation for letting it go (primarily fear of failure in an arena where the stakes are high), I've decided to start taking the necessary steps. So I'm applying to master's programs in Psychology and Counseling. "When I grow up..." is getting a lot closer-- time to get moving!