Trusting God with the finish

In the weeks before I left Costa Rica (almost four years ago now), my heart broke as I watched the kids start to realize the time was approaching. I wanted them to know the depth of my love for them, to know that I would carry them with me through the rest of my life, to understand that they weren't just a summer to me. I would have stayed if I could, but that wasn't where God had me.

As we were leaving La Cuenca one day, Hugo turned to me and, knowing what I was thinking, said, "You just have to trust, because God tells us that we will reap what we sow. So every one of those kisses that you give the kids, every time you open yourself up and love them, those are seeds that will be planted deep down in their heart. And you have to trust that years from now, even though they might not remember all the specifics of who you were or what you did, they will remember that one time, someone really loved them. And that's the best legacy you can leave behind."

I don't like to start projects that I won't be able to see through to the end. If I can't fix a situation completely, I don't like to get involved. For a long time, this has kept me from pursuing the path closest to my heart. Don't get me wrong-- having the drive to stick with something to the end is a good thing. But there are some projects we won't be able to finish. There's a Jewish proverb about working for justice in the world that goes something like this: "The fact that we will not, in this lifetime, be able to finish the work, does not give us permission not to begin." I'm paraphrasing, but the point is there. If we refuse to try our hand at any good work for fear of failing, we are motivated only by selfishness, by the desire to maintain our own good name.

It is God's to see the work through from start to finish; we are to plant or water or reap as He calls us. We may not see the completion of it in our lifetime, but we will see more than if we never begin.

Life above reproach

As Samuel is finishing his lifetime of ministry and leadership over Israel, he stands up before the crowd and asks if anyone has a complaint against him. If he has oppressed anyone, stolen anything, or accepted bribes, he invites his people to speak out against him so he can make it right. To me, especially in a context of politics where no elected official ever has everyone on his side, this seems like inviting the rotten tomatoes to come flying. I almost cringe to read what will come next, especially being a person (as I am) that doesn't always respond to criticism well. I have spent a considerable amount of energy in my life trying to fly under the radar and avoid any kind of negative feedback.

But the people respond, "You have not cheated or oppressed us. You have not taken anything from anyone's hand." No tomatoes are thrown, and Samuel steps down with honor.

Here's the thing: what if we spent less energy on avoiding the reproach we deserve and more energy on living above reproach in the first place? If we live a life that is honorable, doing nothing in secret that would embarrass us if brought into the light, we have nothing to fear from the feedback of those around us. Our conscience will be clear before God and honest men, and slanderers will have no power over us.

The piano took up the living room.

My little cabin in the woods is well-furnished. In the weeks after moving in, I inherited (from various friendly folks) a couch and two love seats, a long coffee table, and a dining room table with three chairs. Add those to the bed that already lived here and the red travel trunk I brought with me (my mother's, from college), and you have yourself a home! Yesterday brought one final piece of furniture into the cabin: a Jacob Doll New York Boudoir Grand piano.

I told Grandma Duke about it today, and she got almost as excited as I had. "Oh, that's company," she said. "Something like that, it'll keep you company. It's almost like having someone there with you... if you'll play it when you want to make a joyful noise, and play it too when you're not joyful, that piano will keep you company. That piano will... well, it'll talk to you."

I chuckled at the time, but I think she was right. I've struggled at times with living alone in the cabin. I've had to wrestle my impractical desire for a dog or a kitten to the ground more than once. I came home today and scooted the piano to the perfect spot (behind the wood stove, backed up against the island in my kitchen space). I got out the furniture polish and shined it up, and then I sat down and played and sang my heart out.

Maybe it's a silly thing to set so much stock on a Jacob Doll Boudoir Grand with a few odd keys, but Jesus knew what I needed, and I think He delights to give gifts to His children and watch them rejoice.

Heart's ease

"Prayer is heart's ease to a gracious soul. Prayer will smooth the countenance; it should do so. None will long remain miserable, who use aright the privilege of going to the mercy-seat of a reconciled God in Christ Jesus."
-Matthew Henry, in his commentary on 1 Samuel

I wrote yesterday of times where the brokenness in the world seems much more prevalent than the redeemed. This is true often enough, but we are also called to praise the Lord at all times, not just acknowledging His existence but rejoicing in Him. Before we raise our arguments against this, contending that our situation is different, that surely our circumstances exclude us from the group who are required to rejoice, let's remember that these words were written by men whose trials most likely outweigh ours by a long shot.

Do we believe God is on the throne? Do we believe He is good? Do we believe He hears us when we pray? Then let us pray, leave our burdens at His feet, and continue on with the command He has given us. Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice!

The cloudy days

There are days when it's easy to celebrate spring, and there are days when it seems like the broken things of this world far outweigh the glorious. The confusion today prevails much more than the clarity. It's not that anything particularly new or earth-shatteringly awful has happened. It's just one of those days where there are more questions than answers. Friends are hurting; prayers seem to go unanswered; situations remain the same.

But the test is in how you respond. You can be a victim of fate, you can turn an accusing finger at God, or you can trust Him. Trust that the sun still shines above a cloudy day. Trust that the Creator God who formed the glorious spring can redeem situations of hurt and abuse and sin. Trust that, though the world is fallen, it is not spinning wildly out of control.

He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.
-Colossians 1:17

The sun will shine, the spring will come, and there will be both justice and rest.

Perspective

"We felt very nice and snug, the more so since it was so chilly out of doors; indeed out of bed-clothes too, seeing that there was no fire in the room. The more so, I say, because truly to enjoy bodily warmth, some small part of you must be cold, for there is no quality in this world that is not what it is merely by contrast. Nothing exists in itself. If you flatter yourself that you are all over comfortable, and have been so a long time, then you cannot be said to be comfortable any more. But if, like Queequeg and me in the bed, the tip of your nose or the crown of your head be slightly chilled, why then, indeed, in the general consciousness you feel most delightfully and unmistakably warm."
-from Herman Melville's Moby Dick

I love this passage. Okay, I'll own up to it: it's one of two passages of Moby Dick I've ever actually read (maybe someday). Perhaps it's because I grew up accustomed to cold weather and the delight of being warm under the covers when you know how cold it is just outside of them. Or maybe it's just because it's such a perfect description of the value of perspective.

I've been delighting this year in watching the spring (slowly, slowly) unfold from its dormancy. Discovering sprouts of daffodils and mysterious other early flowers around my yard, leaving the curtains open all day and coming home to a wonderful, sun-warmed cabin, keeping a close eye on the leaf-buds all around that seem to grow even as I watch them. I have always loved spring, but my appreciation for it has blossomed exponentially after four years in California. When it's almost always sunny, when the trees stay green all year or drop their brown (not red and gold) leaves in the unheard-of month of February, there's no value to spring.

But when spring follows months of wearing four layers of clothing inside, chopping your weight in wood daily, walking to work and then waiting an hour to regain feeling in your toes, oh, welcome, glorious Spring!

It's about perspective. It's about contrast. There is so much in this life, in this world, that will pull us down and break us, freezing our hearts until we can't bear to feel anything anymore. This was not God's intent at the beginning of all things. But praise the One who redeems even the deadest of circumstances, who uses our greatest trials for our greatest deliverance! Without winter, could spring be so glorious?

Doing life together

It's been a while since I last wrote-- I took a couple of weeks off of work to take part in the wedding of two friends in California, as well as to spend some sweet time in fellowship with friends there, in Oregon, and in Washington. What a blessing! I am (now that I have caught up on the sleep I did not get while traveling) refreshed and rejuvenated, encouraged and joyful. I have been blessed with wonderful friends. It's hard to remember this sometimes, as it's been a while since I had the opportunity to live near any of them, but I do have really wonderful friends.

I hadn't realized how much I had felt the lack of peer fellowship this winter until I was surrounded by an abundance of it again. It makes sense, though-- we're created to be in fellowship and to do life together. I pray for an opportunity to live this way again soon. For now, I'm thankful for the time I got and the encouragement it gave me to continue on.

How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! Psalm 133:1

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

Let us not give up meeting together... but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the day approaching. Hebrews 10:25

Resurrected life

Easter. How should we respond?

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus, who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And, being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross."

This is resurrected life. Submission in order to truly be free. Setting yourself aside in order to truly love. And, in this process, unity and fellowship and fulfillment. Logically, it doesn't make sense. But nearly ten years of following have shown me that this is where true joy lies.

Spinning the Gospel

Every Christmas and Easter a tendency comes out in the church. We want to find a new way to preach the old stories, to unearth a new facet of the Gospel, to find a new angle on the life, death, and resurrection of Christ. We figure people have heard it all before. What will bring them to church and to faith if we can't find a new edge?

Martin Luther, when asked by members of his congregation why he insisted on preaching the Gospel every week, responded that he preached the Gospel every week because every week they forgot it. He would move on to something else when he saw evidence that they had truly received the Gospel and were living accordingly.

Paul wrote, in his letter to the Romans, "I am not ashamed of the Gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes..." In his letter (with Timothy) to the Philippians, he wrote, "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord... I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings."

The Gospel is enough. We don't need to spin it or twist it or find a new way to present it. May the truth be spoken, may it fall on ready hearts, and may God be glorified in our representation of Jesus now as He was in Jesus' life, death, and resurrection 2000 years ago.