Bread

I've spent a lot of time the past few months crunching numbers. On the plus side, I've become much more faithful in keeping track of my finances and knowing where every dollar goes. Today, though, I was convicted of how much I resemble the disciples in Matthew when they are confronted with Jesus' proposal of feeding the 5000 (and, later on, the 4000). The people are hungry. The disciples present the rational response: the people should go home and eat. Jesus counters with nonsense: they don't need to go anywhere because we will feed them. The disciples gather the food and crunch the numbers, but there is no way of stacking the five loaves and two fish that makes them look like anything more than a meal for a family of 6. They point this out to Jesus, and He prays for the food, breaks it, and gives it to the disciples to hand out. And they feed the five thousand, and leftovers abound.

I'm not sure where the food multiplies here, but it doesn't seem like it's before it starts to be handed out. Matthew doesn't tell us that Jesus waves his hands over the loaves and fish and they suddenly become numerous. He tells us that Jesus prays and thanks God for the food and then takes a tangible step of faith and asks His disciples to do the same.

Proverbs 30 caught my eye today. In verses 8 and 9 it says, "Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the Lord?' Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God." This goes so against everything I hold onto in my daily life. I want savings, a nest egg, something to fall back on when times get tough. I want a buffer between me and the grace of the Lord. But how much do we lose when we separate ourselves from the hand that feeds us? How much do we lose when we have so much that we can comfortably disown Him and live (we think) on our own resources? What would it look like to truly awake every day and depend on Him for that day's bread, the manna from Heaven that He will surely give to those who look to Him?