Oh for grace to trust Him more

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
Oh for grace to trust Him more
-Louisa M.R. Stead

This one has been running through my head off and on for weeks. Actually, it's been running through my head off and on since I first heard it some number of years ago. On countless occasions, burdened in heart and unable to express what I feel, this has been my song.

I trust You, Jesus. I've tested and You've proven Your faithfulness time and time again. You're precious, Jesus. Give me the grace I need for more trust in You.

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus
Just from sin and self to cease
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest and joy and peace

Days like today, I long to set myself and my failings and worries and strivings all aside and just let Him fill me with all He offers-- life and rest and joy and peace, held out freely by a loving hand.

Another thought I often return to is from Thomas Browne:

If thou could'st empty all thyself of self,
Like to a shell disinhabited,
Then might He find thee on the ocean shelf,
And say, 'This is not dead',
And fill thee with Himself instead.

But thou art all replete with very thou
And hast such shrewd activity,
That when He comes, He says, 'This is enow
Unto itself-- 'twere better let it be,
It is so small and full, there is no room for Me.'

I have a vague memory of writing or referring to this poem at some point in the past and having an argument arise over whether Christianity means dying to self in the sense of individuality and becoming an automaton, and whether there is any worth to such a practice. That is not the point that I (or, I think, Thomas Browne) want to make. Indeed, I would argue exactly the opposite, that truly following Jesus means truly coming into the fullness of your specific, God-given individuality. My point is this: if Jesus is life and rest and joy and peace, and I am, at the moment, frustration and worry and work and anxiety, how much would I love the grace to set myself aside, take His self up, and trust Him a little more!

Refuge

Since around the new year, I've been pushing myself hard spiritually, seeking to grow and learn and minister, and it has been good. I've met God in new ways through prayer and His words. I've developed some discipline. I've built a stronger base of knowledge about the Old Testament, among other things. I've challenged myself to be really getting something from all of the routines in my life-- reading the Bible, church, prayer, work-- and the outcome has been well worth it. I plan to continue with this endeavor in the coming months.

But sometimes you just need to rest. So last night I set aside Leviticus and picked up the psalms:

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.' He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."
Psalm 91:1,2, & 4