Straining toward what is ahead

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Paul, in Philippians 3

There is a balance between healthy reflection and unhealthy obsession. If we don't examine our pasts and learn from our mistakes, we are fools. But if we spend our whole lives obsessing over our mistakes, we are fools. So we acknowledge our imperfections, incorporate our newly-found wisdom into our approaching decisions, place our identity firmly in the life, death, and resurrection of Christ, and press on. Always forward, always upward, always heavenward to Christ.

Living and learning

This weekend is my birthday. This week I went through and either archived or deleted all 3000 (yes, with three 0s) emails in the inbox of the Gmail account I have had for just over four years. Both occasions give me cause to stop and reflect a little.

Item 1: A lot of life happens in a year. Maybe this is primarily the case because I am in that phase of life that is a constant transition from one thing to the next, but wow. A year ago I was graduating from college, pretty certain of three things: I was going to live in Chicago for the foreseeable future, I was going to be a teacher for the foreseeable future, and I knew who I would spend the foreseeable future with. All three of those things came true, but the foreseeable future turned out to be much shorter than I had anticipated. I'm learning to say "Lord willing" and not to make big declarations about things I don't know.

Item 2: I have some incredible friends. With as many moves and changes as I've had in my life over the past 6 years, I've found myself wondering from time to time who my real friends are. There are some that fade away and slip out of contact, but there are some that have begun to shine through as those that will always be there. They've been with me at my best and at my worst, they've been the constants in periods of turmoil and transition, and they have proven trustworthy and faithful. Thank you, friends.

Item 3: Hindsight really is 20-20. The emails made this especially clear. I see myself making mistakes, and then making those same mistakes over again, and then staying in mistakes way longer than I should ever have stayed. In the moment, it's so hard to see clearly and so hard to know which way is up. Lord, help me to learn from my mistakes, to be patient and deliberate, and not to lean on my own understanding.

So here comes 23. Year two of post-graduate life. What does it hold? I have some ideas, but I'm striving to be patient (see Item 3) and not to make any big declarations yet (see Item 1). I'm hoping for a lot more growth, a little more wisdom, and maybe even some direction for the future.

Learning as a lifestyle

I have a to-do list. Actually, I have a lot of to-do lists, ranging from "Do ASAP" to "Do When You Are Bored" to "Do Because You Should, Come On Now" to "Do Before Dying." The last one is the one I'll focus on today. There is actually a document on my computer titled "To Do Before Dying." In it are places I want to visit, skills and languages I want to learn, experiences I want to have, and challenges I want to face and overcome. This week was a good week for the list, as I was able to cross off two items: make soup (confidently and successfully, without a recipe) and be able to do a pull-up. Items already accomplished include driving a motorcycle and going to Africa.

I started officially keeping the list a few years ago as a result of conversations with a new (now "old") friend. When I graduated from college, the list took on new importance. No one was watching me anymore, checking my assignments and making sure I was learning the things I had signed up to learn. I was, for the first time in 17 years, not a student. At this juncture in my life, I realized something. I could go with my instinct, which told me to shy away from challenges and stay safely within my comfort zone, and arrive at the end of my life some fifty years hence (Lord willing) with basically the same set of skills and knowledge that I have now. Or I could make a commitment now to push myself and be always a student, always learning, always growing. If I learned or tried or accomplished just one thing every year for the rest of my life, I would arrive at the end with some fifty (Lord willing) new and exciting skills and experiences beyond what I have now.

So I'm knitting a sweater, making soup, learning the guitar, and doing pull-ups. I'm planning for the big trans-America train journey someday and looking for opportunities to sharpen my French. I am a student of life, and I will be until the day I die.