The day-to-day

I've now been in Uganda for a week and a day, which is a little hard to believe-- feels like a lifetime. My computer is broken, which is both a good and a bad thing. We have wifi on the base, and if I had a functional computer I think I would likely spend way too much time on it. The way it is, I can use my iPod to read emails (and write short ones), and then I can borrow a computer from time to time to Skype, blog, and write lengthier emails. So it's the weekend, and most everyone else has headed into town, and I'm staying back here to catch up with the outside world. All this to say: get used to several blog updates in a couple days, and then nothing for a while.

I'll start with the easiest things to describe-- the day-to-day life.

5:30 a.m. Wake up, wash face & brush teeth, get dressed and bundle up a little-- it's been cold in the mornings!

6:00 a.m. Head outside for quiet time. It's still dark at this point, so I go and find a quiet spot to sit and pray and wait for the sun to rise. Lately I've been sitting on the edge of the (red dirt) basketball court, overlooking the soccer fields, forests, hills, villages, and Lake Victoria. I sit and pray for a half hour or so, watch the consistently breathtaking sunrise, listen to the monkeys and crickets and unfamiliar birds, and ask God what He has for the day. Once the sun is up, I read a bit-- I've been reading in John and Proverbs in the Bible, and My Utmost for His Highest. So good.

7:30 a.m. Breakfast. We have two white bread rolls, with either margarine or homemade peanut butter (my favorite), a banana or a hard-boiled egg, and a cup of spiced milk tea.

8:30 a.m. Worship or prayer time, either as a school or as a whole base. My favorite so far was when they had each nation represented (10 total) come forward and lead a worship song from their own country.

9:30 a.m. Lecture. We've had a speaker from America this week, but each week will be someone different. The lectures have been so good, so challenging and inspiring and informative. I feel like each day this week God has brought up something that has completely transformed my thinking and living in one area or another. It's so hard to believe it's only the first week!

11:00 a.m. Break tea. I don't know why it's called "break tea" and not "tea break", but it is what it is. We have another cup of milk tea or instant coffee and another roll or bread and butter or mandaazi (like a less-sweet donut) or something similar.

11:30 a.m. Lecture. There's so much information that it's really nice to have that break in the middle.

1:00 p.m. Lunch. Lunch and dinner are usually very similar, a combination of four or five of the following: rice, pasta, potatoes, posho (a mash of white corn flour cooked in water), matoke (cooked green bananas), beans, cooked cabbage, avocados, pineapple, watermelon, and very occasionally some sort of meat (I think we had lamb last night) or my favorite: chapati. Chapati is a fried flatbread, kind of like a thick, flavorful flour tortilla, only a thousand times better.

2:30 p.m. Group time. Later on, this will be small groups to discuss what we're learning in the lectures, but this first couple of weeks we're staying together as a large group. We sit in a big circle and each person takes a turn to share their life story. With 43 people ranging in age from 17 to about 40 years old, coming from the US, UK, Austria, Czech Republic, South Korea, Congo, Rwanda, Kenya, Tanzania, and Uganda, this is an amazing time of getting to hear such different stories. Wednesday was an especially powerful time. In many East African cultures, public displays of vulnerability or emotion are very uncommon, and people instead keep things to themselves and just say they are fine. But on Wednesday, several different Ugandans shared their full life stories, heartbreaking stories, even in tears. If we're starting a precedent of that kind of openness in the first week, I can't wait to see what God will be able to do with this group over the next five months of sharing life together.

3:30 p.m. Work duty. We haven't started this yet (we get one week as a guest), but we'll be helping clean or garden or cook or do anything else around the base that needs to be done. I've never hoed a garden in a skirt before-- it's an interesting prospect.

5:30 p.m. Free time. This can involve napping, singing, talking, reading the 10 chapters a day we're supposed to read from the Bible, playing basketball or soccer or frisbee, or teaching the Africans any of a number of great games such as spoons or Uno. Always a good time. I've been singing lots, and yesterday had a ukulele lesson with a Tanzanian guy (I was teaching him).

7:30 p.m. Dinner. Basically the same as lunch.

8:00 p.m. After-dinner activities... sometimes a social event (this week we played duck duck goose and bobbing for apples) or worship time, sometimes an unofficial dance party to the Lion King soundtrack, you really never know.

10:00 p.m. Lights out. However, it is on very rare occasions that I am still awake at 10. I generally end up falling asleep sometime between 8:30 and 9:30.

On being

We dropped through the clouds and Lake Victoria slid into view. The hills and jungles came into focus, rusty red clay and deep green banana trees. Cattle and goats surrounding the runway, unimpressed by the jet landing thirty feet away from their heads, and it all came back to me. I love this place.

The transition is hard. I'm constantly surprised and a little taken aback by the range of emotions I experience in any given hour. I love this place, but I miss so much about home. I'm enjoying getting to know the people here, but I don't know them yet, and I don't know how to share this experience with them. Everything is new. I have to be humble and have quite a sense of humor about it all: Excuse me, sir, I don't know how to fill up my water bottle... can you help me?

There's still so much I don't know about the coming eight months. Right now, especially, as we wait for everyone to arrive, there is no schedule, the schools are all on break, and there's really nothing to do. The Western mindset rebels against this: get on Facebook! Watch a movie! Make a to-do list and then do all the things on it! Go out for coffee! DO something!

But when you push past this (like dropping through the clouds), there's gold to be found. We (as Westerners) have lost the ability to just be. I'm finding it again. Reading, meditating, praying, singing, talking, but also just being, with the sun on my feet and the stickiness of humidity on my skin and the smooth clay dust on my fingers and the unfamiliar birdsongs in my ears. Wherever I end up after all the adventures, I want to know how to be.

Grace in my heart and flowers in my hair

And there will come a time, you'll see
with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart
but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see
what you find there,
with grace in your heart
and flowers in your hair.
 -Mumford and Sons

This song just about sums up the transition. Goodbyes are hard. Leaving the familiar is hard, especially when the familiar is also wonderful.

But it's worth it. It's worth it to love, even when it makes the goodbyes harder. It's worth it to take a risk, even though there's that moment of limbo before the path becomes clear. It's worth it to go full-tilt after the dream.

Right now, I can't quite see over the hill in front of me. I'm exhausted-- mentally, physically, and emotionally spent. On my flight to London, I found myself trying to muster up the strength to be... something. To be ready, or prepared, or enough, or excited, or something.

And then I realized that I have what I need. I am enough. He, in me, is enough. I don't have to be anything other than myself, exactly where I am.

So, with grace in my heart and flowers in my hair, I will climb this hill of goodbyes and letting-go and transition, and I will see what worlds I find beyond it. I'm not quite excited, at the moment. That's honesty. But I have what I need, and I'm trusting the process. Easy and safe were never part of the promise, but the promise is good.

All that's necessary

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.
-St. Patrick

You are my adventure and my co-adventurer. You are at once my destination and my companion. You are my purpose and all I need for the journey. You are the joy set before me and the peace within me.

You hem me in, behind and before, and lay Your hand upon me.
-Psalm 139:5

The official support letter

Dear family, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ,

Thank you for taking the time to read this update on the exciting plans God has given me for this year!

The short and sweet:

A 7-9 month training, serving, encouraging, and vision-casting journey to Uganda & the UK.

The details:

From August 2012-January 2013, I will be in a Discipleship Training School (DTS) in Jinja, Uganda, with Youth with a Mission (YWAM) at their Hopeland base there. YWAM describes the purpose of a DTS as “to encourage committed Christians into a deeper personal relationship with the Lord, thus equipping them to serve Him in whatever capacity He calls them to. It is also an introduction to the values of YWAM and a chance to explore the opportunities we can offer to develop a calling into missions.”

Following the DTS, my plan is to spend another month in Uganda, visiting other YWAM bases and ministries. After this, I’ll stop in the UK on the way home for as long as finances allow (anywhere from 1-3 months), visiting YWAM bases, family, and friends all over the UK and Ireland. I’m especially interested in spending some time at YWAM Paisley, a base in Scotland that focuses on living in creative, worshipful, intentional community. I also hope to have the opportunity to visit my cousins in Northern Ireland and to visit friends in Galway, Ireland, where I studied abroad in high school.

What's the point of all this?

As I’ve prayed and planned and prepared over the past year or so, the vision has slowly come together for this journey. The purpose of the trip is fourfold, which is great, because I like bullet points.

• Training: Having never had any formal Bible teaching, I am so excited to do a DTS—intensive study and biblical teaching for three months, followed by two months of application on the DTS outreach. And all of this in a non-Western setting—such a source of perspective and depth!
• Serving: During the DTS, I’ll be able to use my gifts, my training, and my willing hands to partner with YWAM Uganda in the amazing work they are already doing and lighten their load in any way I can. In my travels following the DTS, I will also happily offer my services, skills, & training in any way I can be useful to the bases I visit, working for my keep.
• Encouraging: it can be such a breath of life to have a visitor, to hear stories of how God is moving across the world, to share commonalities across cultures, to laugh and learn and worship together and minister to each other. “Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country.” (Proverbs 25:25) I feel incredibly privileged to get to be that breath of life.
• Vision-casting: the vision-casting aspect of this journey is both personal and corporate. Personally, I’m wide open to the possibility of long-term ministry in any of these locations. Both Uganda and the UK have been on my heart for years, and I’m eager to see what my future looks like in relation to those places. On a larger scale, I look forward to fostering the partnerships God is waiting to build between ministries and members of the Church across the world. One of my great passions in life is to see the Body of Christ realized in the fullness of the way He planned it.

In closing:

I feel like this journey is the beginning of a new season of really walking in the dreams God has for my life, using all the gifts and training and blessings and passion He has given to me. I feel incredibly blessed to be walking in the footsteps of such believers as Paul, getting to see the bigger picture of what God is doing worldwide and working to weave stronger connections among His Bride, while having the honor of meeting and sharing fellowship with so many diverse brothers and sisters in the faith. 

Partnership:

With all of the ways God has opened doors and confirmed His heart for this plan, I have no doubts that every penny will come in in His perfect order. That said, I am in the process of fundraising. I’ve been blessed this year with great jobs that have allowed me to put a good deal away in savings, but as of June 5^th, I still need to raise about $2000 more for these nine months or so (plane tickets, the DTS, visits to other bases in Uganda and the UK). Please pray about it and give only what the Lord leads you to give—I can't wait to watch Him supply every need!

I am also support-raising, which is even more exciting. This is the part where I get to travel around, spend time with so many amazing people, share what God's doing in my heart and life and in Uganda and the UK, and build connections with the Body. I’ll be leaving the States in mid-August, so if you'd like a phone call, email, Skype, or real live visit, or if your church really loves missionaries, let me know and we'll figure something out! This is my favorite part. Except the part where I'll be traveling all over the world, chasing the dreams God has put in my heart. That’s my real favorite part.

More information:
www.ywam.org
www.ywamhopeland.com
www.ywamuganda.org
www.ywampaisley.org


Contacting me:

Leave a note here and I will gladly get back to you! If you're not a member of my mailing list and would like to be, just let me know!

Grace and peace to you from our sweet Lord Jesus, blessings on your families, life to your hearts, and favor on the work of your hands.

Molly K. McKinney

I made a choice

I made a choice to be here.
I made a choice to be 25, single, and transient.
I made a choice to live on the mountaintops and not on the highways.
I made a choice to feed the dreamer and chase the rainbows and go for broke.

Some days it's hard to remember. Some days, after twelve hours of packing and moving (knowing I'll do it all again at least twice more before summer's end), it's hard to see anything but frustration. Some days, saying goodbye and feeling my heart stretch and tear yet again, it starts to feel like a curse. Like this is something that has happened to me. It's easy to fall into self-pity.

But I made a choice.

I looked at the paths. I explored the options open to me. Presented with the opportunity for comfort and consistency, I let my mind and my heart wander hand-in-hand down that wide, level road (it wasn't hard to see where it was headed). As the vision wandered on, I saw my mind and heart always comfortable, the routine always consistent and predictable, and no life to be found. Mind grew anxious and given to fits of whining for lack of anything else to talk about, heart turned gray and bleak and screamed with gasping little breaths for something more.

I recoiled and pulled them back just in time, and rolled them down another path. The winding, climbing, rambling, narrow path where "If only..." gives way to "What if..." which teases back with "Okay, when?" and is met with a resounding "Well, why not now?" They followed this path, cartwheeling and leaping and gaining speed. And they faced scraped knees and tears and having the wind knocked out of them on a frighteningly regular basis, but their hearts (the heart of my heart, the heart of my mind) pounded and their blood flowed and their cheeks glowed and no one could question if they were alive.

And so I made a choice.

I was created a dreamer. I was created a live wire, a loose cannon, a dangerous equation of imagination and impulsivity. I was created with a million "what if"s firing constantly across the night sky of my mind, with the willingness to engage them, with the stubbornness to chase them and pin them down. I was created with a knack for jumping in with both feet and very little natural talent for patiently testing the waters. And this knack has landed me in pits and mud puddles and surrounded by crocodiles, and it has landed me on trampolines that have flung me into the greatest adventures.

I was created this way, I say, but I made a choice to engage, to accept, to throw open my arms and embrace it.

This is not a sorry circumstance, this is not a feather blown by the wind for lack of the gumption to make a decision, this is not a holding pattern until I figure it all out.

I made a choice to stay a dreamer, in the company of dreamers, chasing after the greatest Dreamer.

And I would make that choice again.

25

A good measure, pressed down and running over.

If I were to stumble over what I have not, what I am leaving, what I am waiting for, I would miss:
-All my kiddos' sticky, sweaty hands and hugs
-The simple joy of the moment, being a tourist in my own town on lunch break and enjoying an affogato
-All the daily chances to throw my head back and belly laugh
-Each bite of a meal made on purpose
-The support of my beautiful friends, and the love and wisdom in each word they say
-The satisfaction of small successes
-Hot pavement, warm air, cool breezes at sunset-- the first real days of summer.

At 25, let me live each day, receive it with hope and farewell it with gratitude, and pack it away in an arsenal of reasons to rejoice.